I love cupcakes. Specifically, I love carrot-cake cupcakes with REAL cream cheese frosting. I had such a craving for this type of cupcake today, and it never got satisfied. What a shame. As a result, I ate about a billionty different things in order to satiate my need for a carrot-cake cupcake, and to no avail. Now, typically, I don't eat cupcakes. If it is a carbohydrate, I eschew it. Sometimes, I just chew it...Then I spit it out. Yeah, I know that's just wrong. Don't care. I am not bulimic, and Lord knows I am certainly NOT anorexic...Have you seen me? Not a skinny girl...Healthy. Healthy is the polite way to describe my body. "All T & A" is something I heard recently, but in it's context at the time, I just found it annoying. Maybe it's true, but Pedro at the 7-11 needs to learn to keep his comments to himself before I kick his ass.
As a result of my nutritional obsessiveness, I don't really eat much of anything that is bad for me. Most of what I eat is low calorie, low carbohydrate, somewhat low fat. Well, except for the bacon and the double bacon cheeseburger (NO BUN) that I get a few times a week from 5 Guys Hamburgers. So let me rephrase, although I may eat crap, it's all low-carb crap. It seems to work for me! But that cupcake...It is haunting me in my sleep. I promised myself I wouldn't eat anything remotely resembling a cupcake until I had reached my "goal" weight. I am only about 10 pounds away...But, dude! I waaaant the frickin'-frackin' cupcake! I actually have this fantasy where a Cupcake Fairy leaves me a carrot-cake cupcake on my desk at work. There are several things wrong with this fantasy: One, it doesn't involve sex (that's just sad...And you call yourself a fantasy, you should be ashamed). Two, it takes place at work (that's just weird). Three, there is no Cupcake Fairy.
I still believe that fantasies can come true. I have to...they are just about all I have. This particular fantasy has me a little stressed out, however. I am afraid that I have been depriving myself of normal things for so long that they are beginning to attain "fantastical" status. And these are things that are readily available, you just have to go out and get them. They can be reality. I suppose that I could just roll out the door and down the street to the local bakery to pick up a carrot-cake cupcake. But, I wont. I kinda prefer the fantasy to my boring reality. Maybe there is a Cupcake Fairy...Maybe I will come upon the glory that is a carrot-cake cupcake one day, sitting loft on my desk. Maybe not. But at least in the fantasy, I don't gain wieght. That cupcake is pure protein, yo! Thanks Cupcake Fairy!!
Addendum: I just discovered this web site. Should you ever want to be my personal Cupcake Fairy, you can go here to order the cupcakes (I never said you had to make them).
http://fairycakesbakery.com
Who says fantasies can't come true! Oh, and don't worry...I wont tell anyone that you are really a Fairy.
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4 comments:
This is the first time I have come across your blog and I believe I'll add it to my reader.
As for the cheeseburgers...Here's an alternative...
Gardenburgers brand patties. They are better than beef, in my opinion. No Boca burgers or morning star, those are rank.
I decided to write this before I investigated your whereabouts so get in touch if you need any other tips for substitutions :)
I'm not a small gal, myself, but I'm losing it :P
Hope to hear from you soon!
http://thislesbianslyfe.blogspot.com
-Crys
You are so freakin' hilarious! I think you should get paid for what you write. Ms. McKiernan and Mr. Franek done you some good!
Love you!
Mer
Your blog kicks ass.
Isn't it amazing the unsolicited "compliments" people will bestow upon you. One time I was walking on a downtown sidewalk when a man slowed down his car, rolled down the window, and shouted "You're WEARING those pants, baby!" Um, yeah. I was wearing them. I thought it appropriate.
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