It's a Cruel, Cruel Summer...Especially If You Poke Your Eye Out.

Ah. Summer is drawing to a close here. My kids go back to school in a week and we have yet to purchase the obligatory school supplies. I hate shopping for school supplies. I can never find all the things I need in one damn place. Why is that, do you suppose? Why can't the Prang watercolors be sold in the same store as the day-glo neon, fat tip, washable, non-toxic, cancer curing markers? WHY!

I know why.

Because nothing in my life can ever be easy. And I must say this proves a great conflict for my whole "I don't wanna try" mentality. I shared my particular brand of laziness with a friend today, and actually talking about it out loud made me feel like a total moron. If you unfamiliar with my view on "trying", scroll on down to the blog Who Am I Kidding, and that will pretty much spell it out for you. I am a lump. I have been riding high on the crest of many personal successes lately, but I still have my really bad days. On those days, I feel incapable of accomplishing anything. Even the simplest task seems downright unbearable. I am moody (read: a bitch), I am short-tempered (read: a big bitch), and I yell at people and things (read: shut-up bitch). I guess you might say I act a bit like a bitch. I don't really want to and I don't think that I am quite as bad as I have the potential to be. And I certainly don't want people outside of my small inner-circle to be exposed to this repellent behavior, but sometimes it just slips out. Take yesterday, for example. Bad day, long story, not interesting. At the end of my bad day I threw a pen at a co-worker. THREW A PEN! Not normal behavior, my friends, not normal behavior. If the pen had not been attached to a chain, it very well might have put an eye out. The poking out of one's eye is just about my greatest fear EVER. I have such an intense phobia of dislodged eyes that I have tiny Dixie Cups with the bottoms cut off on stand-by, just in case someone in my house should have a projectile embedded in their eye. I have eye wash, eye patches and eye coagulant powder. I am ready for your eye to pop out. I will know just what to do. I have a magnet on my fridge that details the steps I should take based on the actual trauma to your eye. Aren't you glad we are friends?

Interesting, really...That I would try so hard to preserve the eyes of others, but I am not capable of driving across the street from Target to Office Depot to buy the Prang watercolors at one store and the crazy-ass markers at another, because it's too "hard". I am not sure that they have developed a medication to fix me yet. As long as I don't attempt to poke out my own eye, I see no need for immediate intervention. I have determined that the pen on a chain doesn't have the proper trajectory or speed to actually impale an eye. And thank God for that, because although my co-worker (the one I threw the pen at - I'm sorry, BTW) is quite fond of wearing wrinkly shirts and pants, he does have nice eyes...and it's always advisable to not poke out the eye of a co-worker or friend. You know the old saying..."You can poke your eye, you can poke your friends, but you can't poke your friends eye".

Knit that on a pillow!