And the Bottle Let Me Down Yet Again...

Something bad is happening to my body chemistry. It seems that I either don't like, or can't drink, beer anymore. I understand that you might be wondering how that is a problem, but trust me, it is! I am from Alabama, after all! All my people drink beer! My friends drink beer, my family drinks beer, my 6 year old daughter once asked me when she could drink beer. (I advised her that she best wait til she is 21, or she would end up in a state-run Women's Detention Facility...She may NEVER drink.)So, for me, drinking beer is more like a social statement. It says, "hey, I am a cool girl, I drink beer. I don't gotta be classy." And although I do enjoy a glass or two (or three) of Cabernet, I still always go back to beer...or at least, I used to. I think I might be able to trace back to the night that beer stopped being my friend, but I am not sure I really want to relive it. It involved vomiting. I am in my 30's and drinking to the point of vomiting is really no longer acceptable. I can remember a time when I would drink excessive amounts of beer, enough to induce the dreaded room-spinning sensation, go puke, then continue drinking. The next morning I would eat Taco Bell, and all would be right with the world. Ahh, good times.

Those good times are long since past, and I am faced now with the inevitable task of acting like an adult. For the most part, I do act like an adult. I work, take care of my children, argue endlessly with my spouse, etc...Sometimes, though, I don't want to act like an adult and drinking beer reminds me of my youth. And I am talking YOUTH people...Like 18, 19, 20...A little history of me: I got married at 23 and had my first of two children at 25. Although both the marriage and the child were meticulously planned and eagerly anticipated, while I was wedding and birthing, a good many of my friends were still partying. Now, don't misunderstand, I don't really want to go out and party anymore. Once during my partying years, I went home with this "pharmaceutical representative" that I met at a bar called "The Booth", and it's a miracle I didn't end up in the trunk of some abandoned car...So youth + partying doesn't always = good decisions. I don't really have any explicit desire to relive that nonsense. I think it's just the promise of wild abandon that I often long for. Trust me, if I drink 3 or more Stella Artois, wild abandon is what you will get! It's not pretty. And the next day, well, that's just plain ugly.

So, I just might be giving up the beer-addled ghost for good. It makes me sleepy, gives me a hang-over, and causes me to gain weight at a rate that is just not cool. Nobody wants to see a beer belly on a woman...Men can get away with this anatomical disturbance, but women just can't seem to pull it off. I know several men with very impressive beer-bellies, and they are still good-looking guys. In fact, I kinda like that they are chubby...It makes me feel much better about myself! But no matter, Miller Time is up, and there is no more High Life in store for me...Sigh. And that was the champagne of beers, too. All of this blogging about giving up my youth has really stressed me out...

I think I need a beer.