The Struggle

Sometimes writing this blog is a struggle. It's not that I don't want to write it, and it's not that I don't get plenty of great ideas from friends, family, even many a stranger. Some days, it's just a little more difficult. Often it is lack of subject matter, or at least, subject matter that you might find entertaining. On a day like today, I struggle to come up with the words to appropriately convey what I really want to put out there into cyberspace.

I'm not sure that I can. I'm not sure I know how...

It's easier to put the thoughts out there when they are truly anonymous and without direction. When we start to put too fine a point on it, we risk making ourselves vulnerable, or making other people uncomfortable. And I am neither about making myself vulnerable OR making other people uncomfortable. Actually, that's not entirely true...I am not fully affected by other people being made uncomfortable. I am very protective of myself, however. When I think that I might be getting myself in a situation where I am not fully in control, I get really quite antsy. So antsy is as antsy does, and I am thinking of opting for full disclosure here. But by the grace of my own personal genius, I am presently opting for discretion. I am sure you will thank me later, and I am sure that it is the right thing to do...for right now. But don't get too comfortable, you never know what you might read on this blog. It's really all about how the wind blows up my skirt on any given day.

And if the wind blows up my skirt while I am standing on the side of the road, waiting for someone to help me by changing my flat tire, recognize that there is a reason for everything. I don't ever want to have to change my own tire. This may make me ultra-snotty or fly in the face of all things feminist, but I am not sure that I really care. I don't like to get dirty and I don't like heavy lifting. And although I don't like feeling vulnerable, I like the way it feels when you are anticipating the upcoming "open-book" signing. You know, the nervous energy, the "butterflies"...Those things can make one quite giddy. And that, my friends, can be wonderful.