9/11

Tomorrow is a day that will forever be remembered by all peoples old enough to actually remember what happened 8 years ago, in all countries...everyone, everywhere.

I remember that morning. I remember it like stock footage from a B-rated, film noir, memory montage. I was pregnant with Amelia. I was sleeping in my bed, next to my husband. My neighbor called and told me to get up and turn on the T.V. My Mom was in town. I sat, transfixed, for the next 4 hours - holding my enormous belly - watching all of the streaming news footage in numb disbelief. I remember looking over to my Mom and asking, "should I cancel the reservation"? I remember her saying, "we still need to eat". So we went out to eat. We were only one of two parties in the restaurant that night. Under normal circumstances, we could have passed on the dinner. It wouldn't have mattered. But on that particular day, My Mom had come into town to take my husband and I out to dinner, to our favorite restaurant, for our third wedding anniversary. We all ate, in silence. I don't even remember if there was a gift. After that year, our anniversary lost some of it's allure. Maybe it was because of the absolute horror of the events of that day in 2001. Maybe it's because our marriage lost some of it's allure. Not really sure.

So tomorrow, I will spend a few moments in remembrance. I will remember all of those lives lost on September 11, 2001...I will remember people I didn't even know, but feel as though I did. I will remember that I was pregnant, wondering how to bring a child into a world full of so much hate. I will remember that people are still dying for tomorrow. But I will also remember that ten years ago, on September 11, 1999, before the day would forever be marked as one of the worst days in American history, I got married. So, I will spend just a few moments in remembrance of the death of that marriage.

But do you know what? I still believe in marriage. I still believe that it is a beautiful thing, and can be full of happiness and bliss. Do I think everyday is like that? No. I'm not a fool. I also believe in America. I believe it is a beautiful country, and can be full of happiness and bliss. And no, everyday is not like that. And that's okay, because we are alive to look forward to those kinds of days. And I am alive to look forward to that kind of marriage. So, even though September 11th will always be a bit of a dark day for me, for more than just the historical reason, there is always September 12th.