I Went to the Gay Bachelor Auction, and All I Got Was This Lousy Matchbook!

Cancer sucks, so I spent my Thursday night at The Parliament House & Team in Training sponsored Gay Bachelor Auction to benefit The American Cancer Society. Now, I am neither gay nor a bachelor, but I am a self-professed "fruit-fly", so any opportunity to spend an evening with good-looking, artistic and fashionable gay men is one I will take. I also really hate cancer.

In honor of all people who have been affected by cancer, I bring you a previously blogged post. If you have read this one before, read it again. Say a quick prayer, or do whatever it is you do, for my Grandma. She is battling cancer right now, and she is winning. But it is a long fight...too many people loose the fight. Whether or not your idea of a good time is a Gay Bachelor Auction...who cares! I think we can all agree that raising money to fight the war against cancer is something we can all get behind. Get behind...Get it? Gay bachelor auction...Behinds...Oh, nevermind.

Originally Blogged 6/18/2008

Yes, my friend...It's true. Rectal Cancer Sucks. My rectum doesn't know this from personal experience, but it is assuredly true. In fact, any kind of cancer sucks. Rectal cancer is hitting a little close to home these days, as my Grandma was just diagnosed earlier today. They thought it might have been colon cancer, which is apparently worse. Instead, it's a combination of diverticulitis and rectal cancer. Bleh.

A few months back I had attempted a colon cleanse. I watched an informercial proclaiming the massive health benefits of colon cleansing. Eagerly, I started the process, hoping for combined benefits of weight loss and improved digestion. After a few days of shitting out the entire contents of my intestines, I determined it was not for me. Not being able to move ten feet from the nearest toilet makes it really difficult to exist in the manner I have become accustomed to. You know, cleaning up OTHER PEOPLES shit.

Anyway, after doing some research on the subject of rectal cancer, I discovered that some so-called "medical professionals" suggest that a quarterly colon cleanse can act prophylactically against the various and sundry cancers that can plague the poop-shoot. I am seriously rethinking the colon cleanse. One of the most interesting things about the cleanse, wasn't so much it's medicinal benefits, but that at some point in the cleanse I would "pass" any of the parasites that are living in my intestines. Mmmm.

Anyway, I am saddened by my Grandma's diagnosis. She is 78 and I know that the radiation therapy they are prescribing for her will be difficult, given her advanced age. When I was 7 years old, my Mom and I moved in with my Grandma for a few years. It was one of the best times in my childhood. She made me waffles with ground pecans on top. She would make the BEST ham sandwiches, and she always had pickles. She let me play in her makeup. She would take me to the library and wouldn't even raise an eyebrow when I would check out the same book week after week. She let me nap in the afternoon and took me with her on the days she volunteered at the American Cancer Society "Ladybug Boutique". Most of all, she spent time with me and supported me when I was an awkward and lonely kid. She was, and still is, an amazing woman. I wish I had more time to spend with her. I wish I lived closer so my girls could know how amazing she is, too. I hope, and I pray, that we still have that kinda time.