There is No Medication to Fix Me Yet

My stress is taking on a life of it's own. I no longer know how to control it. It has taken on such wild proportions that I can't even eat! I have been on a "diet" for the past three months, and was trying to go about the process of weight loss rationally and sensibly. Now, however, I am dropping pounds like so many juggling balls...Did I mention I can't juggle?

I am prone to drama, and thus, prone to the stress that accompanies the drama. In fact, I am almost too stressed to blog, and that's saying something right there!! However, I have some very good things in my life that alleviate the stress somewhat. Unfortunately, I don't have access to those things in such a way that their healing effects can really take hold. They are truncated and abbreviated and generally leaving me wanting...And did I mention that I hate wanting?

But I have no choice, no real say. If I get what I want, then there is no need for wanting. But I am not in control here, I am just...just a piece of a puzzle that is so much bigger than me. Under normal circumstances, I hate not being in control, but right now, I relinquish it fully. What I wouldn't give for the pieces to just fall into place with out all of the posturing. There is a theory that all things happen for a reason, but do they? How much of the future are we willing to leave up to "reason" and how much are we willing to take into our own hands and manipulate. And what are these reasons, anyway? Are they reasons that we have predetermined, or do we make them up as we go...

No matter what, things in my life are happening. I am still unsure of the reasons, but I am not questioning them. I am grateful to them. I want more reasons. I am very, very selfish. Very, very, very selfish...