Well, Duh!

Originally Blogged on 7/18/2008

Some days are just better than others. Yep, I know...Not imparting some secret of the ages with you, I get that. It's just that I am regularly amazed how small, seemingly minor fluctuations in my usual routine can either make, or break, my perfect day. Well, that's a bit of a stretch. My perfect day would go as follows:

Noon: Wake up. No one will be home. Even the pets will be on errands.
12:10: Drink Champagne...Previous ten minutes spent peeing and trying to spray my two-month-old contacts clean enough for only slightly impaired vision
12:15: (It doesn't take me long to drink a glass of champagne). Contemplate Spa Day. Maybe a massage.
12:16: Remember I don't like being touched by strangers, and reconsider said Spa Day.
2:30: Change out of pajamas.
2:35: Nap.
3:35: Children and husband come home, only for a few moments, to give me hugs, kisses, and some Sweetarts, before leaving again on some adventure that I am not required to be a part of.
4:00: Meet my Mom for more champagne drinking and absurd amounts of shopping.
9:00: Weary from power-shopping, my Mom and I would go to dinner, where she would complement me on my weight-loss and give me money (that I didn't have to ask for). Then we would drink an entire bottle of wine. There would be cheese.
12:00: My grit-free bed would await (no dogs at home to grit it up, you know, they were all on errands...kinda like Lassie, but gassier). Children, already in bed and snoring (their Father's gene-pool, not mine).

That's about all I need for a perfect day...maybe more champagne, but basically, that's about it. All you sanctimonious parents out there that firmly believe your perfect day is one spent with your kids...bite me, you liars. You too want a day that doesn't involve responsibility...I see right through you and straight to your therapist! Wait! Before you hate, I recognize the societal need to be a helicopter...You know, hover over the kids at all times...I too, love my children. Really. Case in point...I spent the afternoon with Amelia and Izzy. (And I am still sober!) We went to the mall, Amelia got a haircut (don't even GET me started on how I could have saved $45 and cut the damn hair myself), we went to the Hello Kittie store (the closest thing to Nirvana), and had salmon at Brio. Well, the girls had salmon. I had two glasses of wine and some lettuce. And do you know what, it was a great day. Not a perfect day, mind you, but a great day, nonetheless. Looking across the table at what I have created with my amazing reproductive powers was nothing short of awe-inspiring. Watching Amelia toss her freshly shorn hair like something from a long lost Prell commercial nearly brought tears to my eyes. (Cause I am vain, and my pretty kids make me feel better, alright?!) She said to me tonight, over her well-intentioned Omega-3 health buffet of salmon and asparagus (followed, of course, with ice cream and 14 sticks of Hello Kittie gum), "Mommy, tomorrow when I go to camp, it will be my most perfect day ever! Do you know why Mommy"?

"No Amelia, I don't know why, tell me why it will be the most perfect day ever"

"Because, I just got a hair cut, and it is so shiny and smooth and beautiful, and I am going to be the prettiest girl at camp, and that is my most perfect day!"

"Well Amelia", I said to her, "that sounds great, but you already are the prettiest girl at camp!"

She said..."Well, duh."

And let that be a lesson to you, my friends. Your most perfect day might be happening right now, before your very eyes...Don't miss it, shake your hair (or your bald(ing) head), and recognize the fabulousness within you. My six year old can, so why the hell can't you? I mean, really...well, duh