Why Again? Well, Because...

I have this bad habit of recycling old blogs when I am either too tired to come up with a new one, or I have too much racing through my mind that i just can't articulate into the blogosphere. Well, tonight's excuse is soooo the former. Today has been draining and I just don't have what it takes to be witty. I chose this particular repeat blog, because sometimes, for me, it's so amazing to go back and look at what was going on in my mind three months ago. Three months? That's not that long ago! You are likely thinking...but yes, a lot can change in three months. My methods for conveying my emotions through my blog have changed, my writing style has evolved (somewhat), and yet somehow...the subject matter hasn't changed at all. A solid majority of my blogs are about the same thing. Even three months later. I am so grateful to have this muse, that inspires me to write things that speak to other people in a voice that they don't always have for themselves. So, I hope that the muse isn't too terribly disappointed when it sees that I am repeating a blog from times past. But at least I have chosen one that is muse-inspired, and I would like to point out the following lesson to take from this recycled blog: Life happens to all of us. Sometimes what happens is good, sometimes what happens is bad, and sometimes it is a combination of the two. But when life throws something inexplicably good our way, know how to recognize it, know how to cherish it, and figure out a way to take the something good and turn it into the best damn thing that has ever happened to you. Just a bit of advice...

Here's the oldie but goodie:

Why? Well, Because...

I have given up who I am to be someone I am not for someone else.

Why?

Well, because...I guess...

That's about the best answer I have for anything anymore. Amelia asks me why she can't jump on the couch, "because", I say. Isabella wants to know why she isn't allowed to swallow the toothpaste, "because", I tell her. There was a time I used to give them these absurdly complex answers...You can't jump on the couch, there is a chance you could fall and land on your head and have a spinal cord injury, then end up without the use of your legs. Or, you can't swallow the toothpaste, it has ingredients in it that although do a fine job cleaning your teeth, but they aren't made for consumption and can give you oily stools, potentially leading to hemorrhoids...I think you catch my drift. At some point, recently, I have just given up on the detailed answers. It's possible I might be too tired. It's possible I just don't know the answers. It's more likely that I have forgotten who I am, and thus, cannot come up with the witty responses quickly enough.

I feel dull. Like a Ginsu knife bought off an infomercial 20 years ago, used, then never really sharpened (it was a piece of shit knife, anyway). I feel nonabrasive. Quite frankly, I like being a little abrasive. I liked my serrated edge! WHAT HAS HAPPENED!

Life has happened.

But you know, my life is good. There are people in my life that make me feel very good. My children, for example. YOU, for example (yes, you...stop looking around, I am talking about you. What, are you surprised?) But something about my life has worn me down. Maybe it all goes back to not getting what I want, when I want it. But I learned a very valuable lesson this week...I think Mick Jagger put it best when he sang;

"You can't always get what you want.
No, you can't always get what you want.
You can't always get what you want.
But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need..."

So, thank you. Thank you for not necessarily giving me exactly what I wanted, but for giving me just what I needed. Maybe if I can get a little bit more of that, I just might get my edge back, too.

And just as quickly as life happened, life has also changed. And it is good.