It's Mine

My children do not share very well. Sometimes, when they think no one is looking, they do an okay job...but generally speaking, they don't share well at all. I thought a lot tonight about this subject, and I came to the following conclusion: Sharing sucks.

It's true, right? It's not fun watching someone else play with your stuff. When we are kids, everyone tells us that we have to share with our friends, that we have to share with our classmates, that we have to share with that chubby girl sitting by us in the sandbox. And you know what? We never really want to. I used to pressure my girls to share more, and I always noticed how uncomfortable and slightly sad it made them feel, and I often wondered, why I am I making them do this? Is it so the other parent can see what a generous and "good" parent I am? Is it to make the other child happier? Why? Interestingly, I don't really know the answer to why we have to share, or why we have to force others to share with us. I get that if I have more than you, it's nice of me to share with you...I really, truly get charity and compassion...But often, those are not the things that compel us to share. It's almost like it's just what's done. It's so very status quo. For my girls, I have adopted the following attitude: If something is very, very special to them, I do not require them to share it with anyone. I do ask that they not bring it out and wave it about in the faces of others, but I don't force them to share it. It's special. It's important to them. They should not have to share.

It is the same logic, then, that should apply to adults. Somehow, though, in all of the effort we put forth in making other people share, we seem to forget that if something is special to us, it's okay to not want to share it. We don't have to make a big scene about it, we don't have to wave it about in people's faces, but we shouldn't necessarily be forced to share it, either. Sometimes we don't have this luxury. Sometimes the things that are most important to us, most special to us, are shared commodities. Then it's different. It's more complicated. Sharing becomes sort of like a bizarre dance that all the interested parties participate in...I'll step this way, you step that way, maybe if we are careful we won't step on anyone's toes and no one will get hurt...That's when people like me start to lose the rhythm. See, I am selfish. I always have been, and I always will be...especially when it comes to things that are special to me.

This is where readers who know me sit back, puzzled, and think..."Kate is always considerate and kind to me, I don't know her to be selfish". Oh, but I am. Sorry to disappoint you.

I am becoming that snarky girl in the sand box that glares disapprovingly at the chubby girl who wants me to share with her. "Oh, no" I will think to myself, "I am not sharing with you...You are unworthy, you might break this, you might try to take this, shit...you might try to eat this". I am every parents nightmare. Every parent, except for me. 'Cause I totally get the snarky girl. She doesn't want someone else to have their grubby, chubby hands all over their something special. I can get that. And that's why I don't force my kids to share the things that they consider to be the very most special things. It's just not cool. And don't even try to come at me with Karma, right and wrong, good vs. evil...That's all bullshit where "sharing" is concerned. Sharing is a ruse that we foist upon others to try and make ourselves feel better at the expense of those who just can't quite speak up for themselves. It's all crap. So, my dear reader, if I haven't completely lost your readership yet, let me just say...I am not starting my "Down With Sharing" campaign quite yet, but if you are interested in joining the cause, please sign my guestbook and I will contact you when we have our first committee meeting. Feel free to deny your agreement all you like, but the more you think about it, I am sure you will agree...You don't want grubby, chubby hands all over your something special either, now do you?

A song from the soundtrack of my life. Enjoy.



The telling lyrics:

You don't have to lie about where you've been.
We both know you've been screamin'.
So why don't you give your little voice a rest,
climb on up inside my bed, and just pretend you need me?

You don't have to lie about what you know.
We both know that I've been sufferin'.
And I don't need to be your only one,
and I don't need your comforting,
I just need you with me.

Stay, Stay, Stay with me.
Stay, stay with me.
Stay, and don't you ever run away from me.

Oh, and if she ever let's you down,
after she has run out of your money
Well then just crawl on back to me, I'm the one that
sets you free, and I'm the one that needs you.

And if she ever let's you go,
we both know what you'll be needin'.
And if you need somewhere to rest,
somewhere to lay your
head, you'll know where to find me.

Stay with me!

I can't live another day,
I won't live another day without you baby!
Stay with me!

Turn down the headlights. Empty the ashtrays.
Sweep out of the airway, what's left of our time.
Oh, you can use my body to
do what you have to, but stay a little longer, stay with me.