My stress is taking on a life of it's own. I no longer know how to control it. It has taken on such wild proportions that I can't even eat! I have been on a "diet" for the past three months, and was trying to go about the process of weight loss rationally and sensibly. Now, however, I am dropping pounds like so many juggling balls...Did I mention I can't juggle?
I am prone to drama, and thus, prone to the stress that accompanies the drama. In fact, I am almost too stressed to blog, and that's saying something right there!! However, I have some very good things in my life that alleviate the stress somewhat. Unfortunately, I don't have access to those things in such a way that their healing effects can really take hold. They are truncated and abbreviated and generally leaving me wanting...And did I mention that I hate wanting?
But I have no choice, no real say. If I get what I want, then there is no need for wanting. But I am not in control here, I am just...just a piece of a puzzle that is so much bigger than me. Under normal circumstances, I hate not being in control, but right now, I relinquish it fully. What I wouldn't give for the pieces to just fall into place with out all of the posturing. There is a theory that all things happen for a reason, but do they? How much of the future are we willing to leave up to "reason" and how much are we willing to take into our own hands and manipulate. And what are these reasons, anyway? Are they reasons that we have predetermined, or do we make them up as we go...
No matter what, things in my life are happening. I am still unsure of the reasons, but I am not questioning them. I am grateful to them. I want more reasons. I am very, very selfish. Very, very, very selfish...
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Saturday, September 6, 2008
It's Official...
There are many crazy things about my blogging habits. Some nights, when I am feeling especially inspired, I will write multiple blogs. Sometimes, I will publish all of them, and other times I will save them for later...For nights like this one, where I don't have any creative juices flowing. I mostly just want to drink and be sorta numb. However, rabid monkey blog fans like YOU insist upon new material on the regular. Hence the need for the "older" blogs. This one is an "older"-new blog. You have never seen it before, so shoosh! Oh, and I always find it "fun" to see what point I was at in my life when I wrote these "older" blogs...What has changed, what has stayed the same...
Enjoy!
Yup. It's official. I am a lost cause. You might say that I am surrounded by a "bozone". Not familiar with the bozone? Well! Let me enlighten you!
The Bozone (n)
The substance surrounding stupid people, that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The Bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Yup, yup. That's me. No, I is not a stupid people. Sometimes, however, I struggle to absorb mildly complex concepts. Take today for example...I had to write "reviews". I was informed that they had to fall within certain parameters. I didn't understand the forms. They could not penetrate my "bozone". I did have a great deal of fun laughing about them, but never quite got around to writing them. I am not only a bozo but a putter-offer-procrastinator.
It's okay, for today.
Today was a very, very, very good day. My Mom arrived from out-of-town, and I wasn't certain that she would make it, considering Tropical Storm Fay just couldn't take a hint & get the heck outta dodge! Plus, I got a great blog suggestion from my California Sister (and yes, being from California makes you infinitely cooler than me). And, I delivered a pretty decent speech on the merits of the Parents' Association to an entire student body (and their parents, otherwise it would have been pointless)...Also, a big thanks to my BFF for adding to the mindless glee-melee. I really like how with your help, I am able to rise above the bozone, and just make fun of the people around me. It's good times. And although I have little to no interest in swimming in a retention pond or toilet papering your place of business, I am eager to pursue other hazing avenues. Let's chat.
Until then, I will be floating about, oblivious, in the bozone. I like it here. it's warm...and they have beer in the bozone. And my dear reader, you should join me, sometimes playing stupid is a whole hell of a lot easier than having to plunge your own toilet or change your own tire, if you know what I mean...
Enjoy!
Yup. It's official. I am a lost cause. You might say that I am surrounded by a "bozone". Not familiar with the bozone? Well! Let me enlighten you!
The Bozone (n)
The substance surrounding stupid people, that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The Bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Yup, yup. That's me. No, I is not a stupid people. Sometimes, however, I struggle to absorb mildly complex concepts. Take today for example...I had to write "reviews". I was informed that they had to fall within certain parameters. I didn't understand the forms. They could not penetrate my "bozone". I did have a great deal of fun laughing about them, but never quite got around to writing them. I am not only a bozo but a putter-offer-procrastinator.
It's okay, for today.
Today was a very, very, very good day. My Mom arrived from out-of-town, and I wasn't certain that she would make it, considering Tropical Storm Fay just couldn't take a hint & get the heck outta dodge! Plus, I got a great blog suggestion from my California Sister (and yes, being from California makes you infinitely cooler than me). And, I delivered a pretty decent speech on the merits of the Parents' Association to an entire student body (and their parents, otherwise it would have been pointless)...Also, a big thanks to my BFF for adding to the mindless glee-melee. I really like how with your help, I am able to rise above the bozone, and just make fun of the people around me. It's good times. And although I have little to no interest in swimming in a retention pond or toilet papering your place of business, I am eager to pursue other hazing avenues. Let's chat.
Until then, I will be floating about, oblivious, in the bozone. I like it here. it's warm...and they have beer in the bozone. And my dear reader, you should join me, sometimes playing stupid is a whole hell of a lot easier than having to plunge your own toilet or change your own tire, if you know what I mean...
Friday, September 5, 2008
Oh, I Have Peed My Pants!
As I mentioned before, I lived in Japan for a while. I saw this kinda stuff everyday. It's as funny now as it was back then...Which either means that it's hysterical, truly, or I am still totally immature! Check out EngrishFunny for more of these delights!
Oh, But I am a Smug Twat
more the engrish!
Sage Advice
more the engrish!
Again, Sage Advice
more the engrish!
I Wouldn’t Even Try!
more the engrish!
Hell, Ya! Take That Consumerism!
more the engrish!
More Angry Consumers!
more the engrish!
Oh, But I am a Smug Twat
more the engrish!
Sage Advice
more the engrish!
Again, Sage Advice
more the engrish!
I Wouldn’t Even Try!
more the engrish!
Hell, Ya! Take That Consumerism!
more the engrish!
More Angry Consumers!
more the engrish!
Thursday, September 4, 2008
The Soundtrack of My Life
As I am sure you know by now, I have a song for just about every event in my life. They play on a loop in my mind. I think I might be a little bit crazy, but I kinda like having a soundtrack for my life. Right now, I keep hearing the Nine Inch Nails song, Closer...Ain't gonna put a link to it here, my Mom and Dad read this blog...But if you know the song, well...There you go then.
Instead, I offer you this fun ditty. I don't understand it, but I know it has to do with liking cake. If you like cake, the you will love the site Cake Wrecks. There is a link to it on the left. It's HI-Larious!
Instead, I offer you this fun ditty. I don't understand it, but I know it has to do with liking cake. If you like cake, the you will love the site Cake Wrecks. There is a link to it on the left. It's HI-Larious!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
WTF!?!?
If you know me, you know my love of bacon. I think there is even a bacon lover's club out there, named in my honor. This video, however, disturbs even the most forthright bacon lover. Really, what the fuck is that thing flying around on the bacon? Something out of a Stephen King novel, perhaps?
Isabella's Expletives.
Expletive: The word expletive comes from the Latin verb explere, meaning "to fill", via expletivus, "filling out". It was introduced into English in the seventeenth century to refer to various kinds of padding — the padding out of a book with peripheral material, the addition of syllables to a line of poetry for metrical purposes, and so forth. Use of expletive for such a meaning is now rare. Rather, expletive is a term in linguistics for a meaningless word filling a syntactic vacancy (syntactic expletives). Outside linguistics, the word is much more commonly used to refer to "bad language". Some linguists use it to refer to meaningless, "filler" use of "bad language" ("expletive attributives"), distinguishing this from meaningful use.
Thanks Wikipedia.
So, referring to my giant ass as being expletive might have been okay in the seventeenth century, but now it will just get you a punch in the nose. Today we are exploring the secondary usage of the word, and how it relates to the world of Isabella.
Some of Isabella's expletives (verbatim. I am NOT exaggerating, people...I only wish I was):
1. Isabella drops a book on the floor. It hits her toe on the way down. She says, "God Dammit, that hurt"! I confess, she has heard this from me.
2. Isabella drops another book on the floor. It hits the same toe. She says, "God Dammit! That hurt like a Motherfucker"! Hmmm...I am not sure I have said this one in front of the kids...
3. We are eating dinner. I made mashed potatoes. Considering I hate mashed potatoes (unless I am in the last trimester of pregnancy, then I LOVE them), it's unusual for me to make them. Anyway, Isabella takes a bit of the mashed potatoes and says, "Holy Shit! Those are good mashed potatoes"! I consider this praise of the highest caliber.
4. We are watching SpongeBob SquarePants. An everyday occurrence in my house. I know all the words to all the SpongeBob SquarePants songs. My favorite is the "Sweater Song" that SpongeBob sings in the episode where his hat and spatula were featured in an infomercial for the Krusty Krab. Through a series of hilarious foibles, SpongeBob mistakenly thinks that everyone sees him as a local celebrity...So you can see how I love SpongeBob SquarePants so much...It's in keeping with my everyday life. Isabella says, "SpongeBob is one stupid Fucker". Yes, Isabella, yes he is a stupid fucker...But we don't really need to say that out loud. Somethings are better left unsaid. We don't want to hurt SpongeBob's feelings.
5. Isabella also likes to say "shut-up", "stupid", and "crack-head". I can tell you for a fact that I have called both her and her sister not only "crack-heads", but "crack-babies". But I have NEVER called her "stupid", and I mostly only tell her Daddy to "shut-up". And Butters. He gets a whole shit-pile of "shut-ups".
So, anyway...I know your hand is at the ready to speed-dial the Department of Children and Families, but before you do...For every "Holy shit! Shut the fuck up you stupid crack-head motherfucker" there must be a bilionty "I Love You" and "You're So Special"s. The curse of cursing is no matter how innocuous you think it might be, there is always a three year old out there prepared to say the "F-word" over and over and over while you are standing in the line at Target. So I think the lesson here must be, don't cuss in front of kids. I also think this is a great example of the Mother's Curse. No, not a string of expletives, but the curse that every Mother places on their child just before they are about to bear the new generation..."I hope your children turn out to be JUST LIKE YOU". And if Isabella's sheer mastery of profanity tells you anything at all, then my Mother certainly cursed me...Just ask her to tell you the story of me, the custard store and the f-word. Or me, the bald man and the airplane. Or the time we spilt the soda in the elevator....Yah, it's definitely the curse.
Thanks Wikipedia.
So, referring to my giant ass as being expletive might have been okay in the seventeenth century, but now it will just get you a punch in the nose. Today we are exploring the secondary usage of the word, and how it relates to the world of Isabella.
Some of Isabella's expletives (verbatim. I am NOT exaggerating, people...I only wish I was):
1. Isabella drops a book on the floor. It hits her toe on the way down. She says, "God Dammit, that hurt"! I confess, she has heard this from me.
2. Isabella drops another book on the floor. It hits the same toe. She says, "God Dammit! That hurt like a Motherfucker"! Hmmm...I am not sure I have said this one in front of the kids...
3. We are eating dinner. I made mashed potatoes. Considering I hate mashed potatoes (unless I am in the last trimester of pregnancy, then I LOVE them), it's unusual for me to make them. Anyway, Isabella takes a bit of the mashed potatoes and says, "Holy Shit! Those are good mashed potatoes"! I consider this praise of the highest caliber.
4. We are watching SpongeBob SquarePants. An everyday occurrence in my house. I know all the words to all the SpongeBob SquarePants songs. My favorite is the "Sweater Song" that SpongeBob sings in the episode where his hat and spatula were featured in an infomercial for the Krusty Krab. Through a series of hilarious foibles, SpongeBob mistakenly thinks that everyone sees him as a local celebrity...So you can see how I love SpongeBob SquarePants so much...It's in keeping with my everyday life. Isabella says, "SpongeBob is one stupid Fucker". Yes, Isabella, yes he is a stupid fucker...But we don't really need to say that out loud. Somethings are better left unsaid. We don't want to hurt SpongeBob's feelings.
5. Isabella also likes to say "shut-up", "stupid", and "crack-head". I can tell you for a fact that I have called both her and her sister not only "crack-heads", but "crack-babies". But I have NEVER called her "stupid", and I mostly only tell her Daddy to "shut-up". And Butters. He gets a whole shit-pile of "shut-ups".
So, anyway...I know your hand is at the ready to speed-dial the Department of Children and Families, but before you do...For every "Holy shit! Shut the fuck up you stupid crack-head motherfucker" there must be a bilionty "I Love You" and "You're So Special"s. The curse of cursing is no matter how innocuous you think it might be, there is always a three year old out there prepared to say the "F-word" over and over and over while you are standing in the line at Target. So I think the lesson here must be, don't cuss in front of kids. I also think this is a great example of the Mother's Curse. No, not a string of expletives, but the curse that every Mother places on their child just before they are about to bear the new generation..."I hope your children turn out to be JUST LIKE YOU". And if Isabella's sheer mastery of profanity tells you anything at all, then my Mother certainly cursed me...Just ask her to tell you the story of me, the custard store and the f-word. Or me, the bald man and the airplane. Or the time we spilt the soda in the elevator....Yah, it's definitely the curse.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Pon & Zi
My daughter is so cool. She doesn't even know how cool she is. But I do. And if you have ever met her, you know it, too.
She loves Pon & Zi, even though she doesn't really get them. She does get that they are basically about love. A little too "EMO" for me, but what do I know...I like Nine Inch Nails.
Anyway, I found this video for her, and I feel compelled to share it with y'all. I am a good friend like that. The Meiko song playing is on my MySpace page, as well. I like it. It makes me smile. And, well, I kinda like Pon & Zi...They're cute.
Shit...I am EMO, aren't I? No! I couldn't possibly be...I like Burberry & Chloe waaaay to much! I swear I haven't shopped at Hot Topic in years!!
She loves Pon & Zi, even though she doesn't really get them. She does get that they are basically about love. A little too "EMO" for me, but what do I know...I like Nine Inch Nails.
Anyway, I found this video for her, and I feel compelled to share it with y'all. I am a good friend like that. The Meiko song playing is on my MySpace page, as well. I like it. It makes me smile. And, well, I kinda like Pon & Zi...They're cute.
Shit...I am EMO, aren't I? No! I couldn't possibly be...I like Burberry & Chloe waaaay to much! I swear I haven't shopped at Hot Topic in years!!
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